Shut up. It's hard to make an 'S' in Paint.

The first Google result on the name "Dennis LaRue" reveals all you need to know: A post from a message board citing LaRue as the "Worst Ref in Hockey." His family must be so proud of him. And actually, if you spell his name "Denis LaRue," as I mistakenly did the first time -- you get another gem: an Islanders' blog, posing the question "Who is Denis Larue having dinner with in Buffalo?" Denis LaRue, Dennis LaRue? I wonder if that's the same guy.

Despite this, LaRue is still somehow employed. Other items on his resume include being one of the two referees on the ice in the Stanley Cup Finals when Pittsburgh had six players in the attacking zone for 20+ seconds, and according to his first two Google hits, blowing a video review call (hey, there's a trend here) in an Islanders/Sabres match and missing a cheap shot on Saku Koivu that put him out for extended time.

So last night, LaRue, a longtime fan of the Red Wings, puts on his game face and decides to enrage the hockey population by disallowing a clear goal. Observe:

You might think something like this would make a guy like me angry. Nope. This is hilarious. This kind of thing always happens to Detroit, and then Detroit fans are consistently called whiners. Usually because we've won Cups in the past. As if everyone would sit back and say "yeah, sure, that's cool that you just disallowed legitimately earned points. we're not upset, because we've won before -- let someone else win this year." Maybe if Detroit didn't win so many Cups and fans of these other teams had ever seen success, they would know what we know: there's no such thing as too many Cups.

I was livid after that call in the Anaheim series where Hossa tied it up and thuper-ref Brad Watson lost sight of the puck. That nearly cost Detroit the series. The consequences of this game are far, far less than that -- and Detroit really didn't play well enough to win in the first place. But this call was far worse than that one. You can't even begin to justify it.

So, I laugh. I laugh because I know, without fail, there will be two or three more Wings' games where the story is not the play on the ice, but the men watching the play. Detroit gets royally screwed over more than any team in the league. Am I whining? No -- clearly, it hasn't hurt the team's success. But it's the truth. I'd say that on average, I watch hockey about five nights a week. Every Wings game, for sure. Then with NHL GameCenter, even if I'm just at home doing homework, I'll have a game on in the background. There are other days where I'll be able to watch the majority of two or three games. Plus, I keep an ear open to news sites. Other teams get screwed over, pretty regularly. But no team has credentials like this, in just the past two years:

• First team to be scored against after a puck hit the netting and was not whistled down by referees (San Jose, 2007/08).
• First team to have a goal disallowed because the ref couldn't distinguish from the puck and the black of Anaheim's hockey pants (Anaheim, 2008/09).
• First team in the Stanley Cup Finals (this probably holds up as first team ever as well, because I've never seen anything like it) to play 6-on-5 (with no extra attacker) for more than 20 seconds. (Pittsburgh, 2008/09)
  
• Only team to have Tomas Holmstrom, continuous league leader of disallowed goals. I'd say more than half are rightfully disallowed, but that's still an F. (once about every 15 games)
  
• This. (yesterday)
  

Add to that, the "NHL" (aka Gary the Magnificent) decides on a whim to schedule a super-Finals series, which starts just days after Detroit wins a five-game series over Chicago. Babcock's exact quote was something like, "usually when you win a short series you get more rest." Sidney Crosby is banged up, but he can go for Game 1. Datsyuk is banged up, and needs a few days of rest (about the same amount he would have had, were the SCF not moved up) until he can play. Tell me, I dare you, that if it were the other way around and Crosby, the most marketed (notice I did not say marketable) player in the league, looked like he might miss a few games, would the series have started so quickly? You'd be correct in pointing out that Detroit actually won those first two back-to-back games. I'm just throwing that out there.

Is there a conspiracy?

No.

But the NHL does a great job at angering a group of fans that are unpleasant to deal with in that state of mind. Always at the center of controversy. If we could just hear, just one time, on a call like this, or a 20-second 6-on-5, the NHL say what everyone else knows: that they're human, and they make mistakes instead of these long-winded bullshit hinting-that-it's-the-wrong-call-but-supporting-league-employees "statements," then a lot of people would be a lot less stressed out.

For this reason, I laugh. Continued excellence from the little league that could. I was in class all day, but I wanted to post the best stuff I found in my RSS feeds this morning regarding the call.

The tweet of the night goes to Kris from Snipe Snipe, Dangle Dangle: "I certainly don't think this is an anti-Wing conspiracy. There's no way the NHL would be competent to pull that off."

A bevy of Wings' blogs have posted their thoughts on the issue, and, amid anger-fueled rants, have posted a few gems of quotes. Here are some:

Below the Crossbar finds all the right words that made me smile and inspired the movie review-esque title. Just picture these words in a movie trailer, spoken by that excitable generic movie guy voice: i.e. "Peter Travers calls it, 'Asinine! Absurd! Grossly Incompetent! Negligient! Mike Babcock calls it, "the dumbest thing he's ever seen!" Fabricated lies and fun for the whole family!" That type of thing. All words used by Ben in his recap. Great writing.

Mike from The Production Line and Drew from Nightmare on Helm Street each tap into the psyche (and accent) of LaRue and bring out their interpretations of how a conversation that dumb would have sounded. Chris from NOHS apparently had to edit his piece after he posted it to make it a little more PG-13. George at Red Wings Snapshots did not hold back in the typically well-versed and level-headed fashion we're used to, and uttered a word I don't think I've ever seen him write before: retarded. This is the absolutely perfect word to use for this situation. Dennis LaRue is retarded.

Chris from Motown Wings sums it up perfectly: "Yet again, the Red Wings get screwed by an asinine rule that basically lets NHL officials justify their decisions based on whether or not said official feels like he might blow the whistle in a certain situation." Asinine is a word thrown out a lot regarding the NHL lately. I like it.

Tyler from The Triple Deke hit the nail on the head with his piece, ending with his prediction on what (if anything) the NHL would do about this:

"I can't wait to hear what the league says tomorrow. It will either be nothing, which would be too embarrassing to comprehend; or it will be a defense of something that has absolutely zero defense to begin with."

Sure enough, the NHL gave one of those "oops,-but-he-tried-didn't-he?" statements, courtesy of Mike Murphy. This is my favorite part:

"In all cases we want to get the right call. In this case it appears we didn't"

Statements like that are why my plan to be a Public Relations major barely lasted through one class. Don't think this wording is not by design. "It appears" gives him room to suggest that the call was wrong, and hope to appease any fans. At the same time, he doesn't have to place any blame of consequences on LaRue. The perfectly worded, completely neutral and utterly meaningless, "apology." Classic.

Another solid line:

"There is a little bit of a gray area there between when he intends and when the whistle sounds."

The passive way of saying: this rule is completely effed up and there's nothing we can do do about it, or better yet, plan on doing anything about it. Great use of language, truly.

I don't know what it is. I'm not ragging on these bloggers either -- I have no idea why I'm not as incensed as the rest. The NHL has just broken my spirit or something. All I can do is sit back and chuckle.

The thing that made me smile the most was the shot that Greg from Puck Daddy took at Wings fans, targeting the vast majority of Wings fans who use the internets, as most on the 'nets also visit A2Y:

"Beyond Detroit losing a goal, the worst thing about this situation is that it'll provide further fodder for the tin foil hat society among Wings fans, who are convinced that Gary Bettman and the NHL and the Illuminati and the Stonecutters are all conspiring in some secret cabal to undermine their franchise. Because what business would want one of its most popular, ratings-driving, star-studded franchises to, you know, succeed?"

Naturally, the Chief wasn't a huge fan of this post, and he let him know it. Personally, I doubt Greg has time to read A2Y every day. If he did, he'd know the conspiracy talk is done in jest, and the Wings have no more tin foil hat freaks than any other team in the league. But also, I think this quote reveals something. Not that Greg doesn't like the Red Wings -- which is what some suggest. But that he doesn't like Red Wings' fans. That's fine, I dig that. I know he doesn't need to be objective. I dig that when he saw that goal, the first thing he probably thought was "Oh Christ, I'm going to be hearing about this for a month." Hope he does.

There's your summary up to now. LaRue-gate is in full effect, and I hope everyone else had as great a time going through it all as I did.

So, thanks Mr. LaRue. I hope your continued excellence in the field of looking at things and making decisions about them brings you all the happiness in the world. You deserve it, champ.